Tuesday, February 12, 2008 / 6:07 PM
I probably should hide under a rock and not emerge. Ever. I feel so bad. SO guilty. And yet I can't seem to stop the anger that swells in my chest at the same time. I try to understand.
You obviously must be very busy what with ASC and your U-theatre. Plus it's CNY season. But you pushed almost everything to me. "I'm really really busy. Sorry. Can you do this?" What could I say? Anyways, you are a friend and therefore I couldn't not help right? But you kept on pushing and pushing saying you had U-theatre and you had to study also. Then me? I don't have to study is it? I tried to figure out what to put where. Figures. Balance sheet. Edit again. Not realistic. Edit again. Til the wee hours in the morning finishing this stupid crap. Then you rushed away yet again. Everytime, you ask me "Are you ok? Can you do it? So sorry.". Yet you never tell me why. Maybe I could understand if you'll only tell me. I'm floundering with finances, I don't even know POA. And I'm like WTF?! Okay, Joshua is a gone case. Wu Ye is absent most of the time and only did the initial income sheet. The rest we all had to discuss over MSN. I try not to be angry. But I can't. The breaking point was yesterday night where we absolutely had to rush to finish for today's presentation. I thought, maybe you could do the powerpoint, but Ryan had to do that instead. You did help a bit, I know you had guests over. BUT THIS WAS OUR CRUCIAL POINT! We had to finish or die for MOE. You kept leaving the main conversation. You had solo convos with me to ask the dreaded questions again. You asked me, am I ok, did you give me too much to do? SO I said YES. And left. You asked me that question and I answered.
I was truly very pissed off. Even the sight of that popup window pissed me off. I couldn't take it. So I just did what I could to finish the project with Ryan until the wee hours of the morning. I only gave up at 4.30 am. Yes, YES, I sound like a damned martyr. Maybe I'm just trying to get attention, you think. Self-serving. I don't give a damn. This is MY blog so get the hell away if you know what's good for you. I certainly am not.
This morning, I ignored you when we usually would have met beforehand. I knew you called my name but I chose to ignore it. The sight of your face angered me more than I could bear. All those feelings came back again. Maybe I exaggerated a little. But I wanted to let you know you couldn't pretend there was nothing wrong. I know you feel bad cos' Zuu heard you say so. But you didn't even see fit to tell me about any problems. I'm ignoring you now, cos I can't keep saying to your face that it's ok when I'm cursing and ranting inside. Just like I am now.
I'm planning to say sorry. But til then, stay away from the likes of me. I'm losing too much of myself.
You obviously must be very busy what with ASC and your U-theatre. Plus it's CNY season. But you pushed almost everything to me. "I'm really really busy. Sorry. Can you do this?" What could I say? Anyways, you are a friend and therefore I couldn't not help right? But you kept on pushing and pushing saying you had U-theatre and you had to study also. Then me? I don't have to study is it? I tried to figure out what to put where. Figures. Balance sheet. Edit again. Not realistic. Edit again. Til the wee hours in the morning finishing this stupid crap. Then you rushed away yet again. Everytime, you ask me "Are you ok? Can you do it? So sorry.". Yet you never tell me why. Maybe I could understand if you'll only tell me. I'm floundering with finances, I don't even know POA. And I'm like WTF?! Okay, Joshua is a gone case. Wu Ye is absent most of the time and only did the initial income sheet. The rest we all had to discuss over MSN. I try not to be angry. But I can't. The breaking point was yesterday night where we absolutely had to rush to finish for today's presentation. I thought, maybe you could do the powerpoint, but Ryan had to do that instead. You did help a bit, I know you had guests over. BUT THIS WAS OUR CRUCIAL POINT! We had to finish or die for MOE. You kept leaving the main conversation. You had solo convos with me to ask the dreaded questions again. You asked me, am I ok, did you give me too much to do? SO I said YES. And left. You asked me that question and I answered.
I was truly very pissed off. Even the sight of that popup window pissed me off. I couldn't take it. So I just did what I could to finish the project with Ryan until the wee hours of the morning. I only gave up at 4.30 am. Yes, YES, I sound like a damned martyr. Maybe I'm just trying to get attention, you think. Self-serving. I don't give a damn. This is MY blog so get the hell away if you know what's good for you. I certainly am not.
This morning, I ignored you when we usually would have met beforehand. I knew you called my name but I chose to ignore it. The sight of your face angered me more than I could bear. All those feelings came back again. Maybe I exaggerated a little. But I wanted to let you know you couldn't pretend there was nothing wrong. I know you feel bad cos' Zuu heard you say so. But you didn't even see fit to tell me about any problems. I'm ignoring you now, cos I can't keep saying to your face that it's ok when I'm cursing and ranting inside. Just like I am now.
I'm planning to say sorry. But til then, stay away from the likes of me. I'm losing too much of myself.
