If You come into my heart

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I would run I would fly

if you come into my heart

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Hey. This is where I express my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to leave if you don't like it. :D

this is me)

Thursday, January 31, 2008 / 9:22 PM

I have no right to complain about anything. About my life. About how I look. About not being able to do things. Because ultimately, someone else has it worse than you. You gripe, you whine, you feel that someone owes you something. But God has given us a great gift just by giving us life. I feel frustrated, and I rant at the things that I can control but won't beacause I'm in denial. My mind is reeling. And now I'm as slack as ever. I'm not doing much to help myself. It's not that I don't want to. I know what I have to do. But somehow, it's hard for me to get up and face it.

DAMN.

I'm being a total ass again aren't I?

I'm also being plagued with guilt over money woes. Money. Money. Money. Everything needs money. School needs money. Plus I have 3 siblings, one in NUS High and another in RGS. Another wants to go to art school. I'm in poly. But of course, $$$. And she is also plagued by guilt. How can we incur more money without feeling like a total jerk over not being able to help much with the cost? And I'm cosplaying! Do you know how much that costs? And I'm ot even one of those who regularly cosplays. I only have 1 outfit so far and I'm reusing it again for Cosfest. How I wish I could rake in alot of money. Wishful thinking on my part mostly.

I'm complaining again.

Saturday, January 26, 2008 / 10:19 PM

Nowadays, I'm on ups and downs. I can't even decide what I'm feeling. Which sucks.

Had the ECO project thingy just now. It was pretty okay, some fun experiences, some funny and some damn fucking idiotic (the ppl in Mei Yee and Jeremy's goup would know what I mean). We had to go collect newspapers around the blocks. 3-4 blocks per group. We got 3 blocks. Some people opened the door, some ignored, and some were pretty darned friendly. There was this Chinese auntie that offered to give us money to buy drinks ($10!!) cos' she didn't have anything to give us, and we were so hardworking, collecting stuff, she said.

We finished our blocks pretty fast. Then we were called to help do a "reserve" block. After that changed to helping someone finish a block. They said it was our classmate, so we were like "okay, class spirit!". THEN...

It tuirned out to be another class that didn't finish their blocks. WTH. Okay, so we help them. BUT THEY WERE RELAXING UNDER THE BLOCK WHILE WE HAD TO GO DO THE STUPID JOB FOR THEM THE LAZY FREAKING ASSES. 0.o EATING ICE CREAM?!

We were all like so pissed. We made a good show of showing our displeasure, I tell you. I think I jumped up and down like a mad person and shouted. So drama. But I wanted to let them know we were F***ing pissed off. And we helped them when we could have gone home already. I don't care if I looked like a mad idiot. I'm just so damn pissed even recalling the incident.

Okay, forget that. Anyways, my BMic quiz is already screwed. Was late because of the bus jam and only had 10-15 mins to do a 45 min paper. Plus, I didn't really concentrate studying on biochemical reactions so I was pretty much a goner. sigh.

I'm whining again, aren't I?

My life is such.

I'm a slacker - I haven't been studying much.

Currently I'm pondering my life walking to and from Sun Plaza in the cool night. The night is so serene and cooling. How I wish I could lay down and look at the sky at night. Just thinking. But thinking doesn't solve much. I think and think and think. But I don't do anything. What's the use?

And what's with people nowadays dying at such young ages. And suddenly too. It's so saddening, it breaks my heart. And makes me ponder again. heh. Life is too short. What if I die tomorrow? And never get to do what I have to before I go? Is my candle going to be snuffed out fast or agonisingly slow? I panic for a moment and then I just go into self-denial again. Who knows if I'm going to go any second. But my mind can't wrap itself around the idea. Heath Ledger, for example. He was a bright star. And I loved his work, his acting. But his candle was snuffed out too early. In the bus I was thinking his death was a joke or something. It couldn't be! Then, it slowly dawned. ~_~

You never know when you life might end. So appreciate it for what it is. Good or bad.

Friday, January 18, 2008 / 10:03 PM

Whatthefreaking hell. Nowadays I have no energy or motivation to post. Sometimes life seems so meaningless anymore. I want to lash out but I can't. I'm so frustrated I could scream. Like now. No amount of vulgarities or rabid screaming is gonna make me feel better. Okay then, I'll just try and post what happened in my so-called "hiatus".

Man, TP Open House really drained my energy, during the A-GUIDES thing. We had to cheer, guide people (mostly schools) through AS, be SUPEr enthusiastic. Which I wasn't really sure I was capable of being in the first place. At first, it was really weird, then it got fun. Well, I think I did average, but there were some times I think I sucked. NVM. But what I really LOVED and what saved the days were the TP Mass Dances. And by Mass, I mean MASS. Like almost everybody involved in the Open House from all the schools went to the area and danced their heart out. Fun, sia. Everybody all squashing each other, having fun with people you never knew or knew little of. You could really feel the TP spirit.

The Jam n Hop was boring but only for the first half. The later half which only Zuu and Linn attended was bangin'. Well, too bad for us then.

Then something happenned quite recently that made me cry. At a bus stop no less. I was so shocked when I heard the news I could only cry. I got so worked up and panicked. But it turned out to be nothing later. My sis said he was okay already, then I got so mad. Made me cry for nothing. Damnit. But now okay already. Discharged and healthy. I shan't tell you who it is or what hapenned. I don't want any sympathies or "wow, you must have been so sad.". When it's over, it's over. Don't wanna open another can of worms.

Okay, I gotta do some other things.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 / 9:58 PM

I feel like the world is breaking

and I'm still just waiting for it all

To be gone

Sometimes, there is just no saying

How our hearts can be taken

And then we're losing all.

Please don't get me wrong

I still feel like we're forever

Meant to go on.

But I don't want to let you go.

My heart feels so sad when I do.

I don't wanna be alone

But God has other plans for us too.

Even though we're now seperated

we can

Still meet

And always keep going strong

This is for Sya who's going to be leaving for Malaysia. (I still can't believe she's going...) We're still gonna be the BESTEST friends ever - you, me, Farah, Nithya. Never ever be worried about us or your problems too much, kay? We will still be here if you need us.

Because I'll never let this go.
But I can't find the words to tell you.
I don't wanna be alone.

/ 9:21 PM

Today was a pretty sad case. Was supposed to meet Farah, Sya and Nithya cos' we rarely meet Sya. So we planned to meet but the details were not confirmed, due to Sya not being in Singapore yet. (no reception or something). But then Nithya couldn't make it. Then Farah and me decided to meet first at Semb MRT; then go Bugis. While waiting for Sya who was at Tamp, we went round Bugis Street first. Damn packed. No air. Bombarded with heat, glaring lights, loud music (all different) and the smells. It's like being hit by a musical truck that flashes and smells like food. hahaha. Didn't buy anything though. We then went to wait at LJS. Hogging the table wthout ordering food for at least half an hour? We later decided we were too hungry and went eat first. Sya said she didn't feel like coming then.

DANG.

We walked around after eating and took 851 to Yishun where we indulged in dessert at the hawker center and looked at stuff. We were more of aimlessly wandering rather than shopping. But we did buy some stuff. Hair products....Disappointed at the result though...Cheat my feelings...

SIGH.

Some interesting things happened though. Like the man shouting in the MRT cos' someone pushed him, accidentally I think. "DON'T FUCKING PUSH ME! DO YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING PUSHOVER!!!YOU FUCKING PEOPLE THINK I'M A FUCKING PUSHOVER?! - " Well, you get the idea. Like what the hell? Idiot, I tell you. A bit only then want to scream. I felt like saying "Yeah. Shut up and get out." and ask everybody to crowd round and push him off.

Then there was this incident at the LJS between a fussy complain-king customer and a pissed-off minah cashier. Well, I don't want to explain much just that never EVER put the two together.

Thursday, January 03, 2008 / 12:08 AM

If I should die before I wake,

I pray my soul for God to take.

And if my world should come to fall;

I pray the strength to carry on.

There is a world without the hate.

Without the boundaries of fate...

Where love and peace and joy consume us all.

I mourn regrets I can't erase.

I try so hard to find my place.

But in the end, maybe I was meant to fall.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008 / 11:55 PM

This is the papier mache mask. Looks nice but then...

I made it horrible. Even worse, when I painted it blue. Dirty blue with patches of white cos of uneven texture. See lah. Nice nice already want to make ugly.

Here is my long-awaited bag. That kept on disappointing me. sigh. Don't even wanna talk about it.

By the way, Zuu gave us a nice pressie from Bangkok today. So sweet. Which reminds me, I still have to give Linn her pressie.

Nowadays I have a lot of meetings and school work and stuff just happening. This clashes. That clashes. WTH. Anyways, VK photoshoot next Saturday. I don't care about the A-GUIDES thingy. I want teh photoshoot! This Saturday project meeting. This Sunday going out with Syahirah. The list goes on. And on. ON.

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