Jealousy rears its ugly green head again. Stabbing and tearing it way from the recesses of my soul. I guess it's a normal human reaction...Everytime I see that person, it's like something inside me snaps. Uncontrollable and everflowing. Jealousy. Resentment, maybe. It's not like the person's bad or anything...It's just that the person's always the "perfect one". The one who gets all the friendly reactions, smiles and attention. I know this sounds narcissistic but it's the truth. I've even resorted to writing songs during MT lesson as an outlet.

Running away
Trying to get myself together
While I'm falling into the darkness...again

New fears
Implode and bombard me from the surface
Wearing down my defenses
As I stare blankly at the wall

How do I fit in?
When all the colours start to spin
And in a multi-coloured haze
I'm being pushed away...

How is this the bright side?
When I'm being treated like I
Was always the one to never exist...

~*All words and lyrics are copyrighted by Muna and the owner has the right to take legal action against any offenders.*~

It's officially the day after yesterday, which was my National Inter-Zone First Aid and Home Nursing competition. The pressure was mounting as the day of reckoning drew near. Hahaha...I wonder if losing the competition did this to me. I don't think so. Actually, I felt numb during the whole thing, like I was not really there. Even when the results were announced, I still felt absolutely numb. Probably it was for the best as I would have cried if not for the numbness of it. Good thing Xinmin did not win also. Ma'am wouldn't have taken it so lightly if they had trounced us. But it was a learning experience for me as it was my first time going to Nationals. I learned a lot from this and hope to use it in future. Iffa got too sick to do footdrill so Melissa had to take over. Melissa was especially panicked as she did not expect that she had to take over. Luckily we had completed First Aid and Home Nursing while Iffa was not so sick. I only feel sad for Iffa and Melissa. Tsk..Tsk...Tsk...But they had excellent determination when Iffa wanted to try to do footdrill because she wanted us to achieve something at least...

Although we lost, we still did try our best and that is all that matters...

Home sweet home...Finally got back from Endau Rompin. When I was hiking/trekking to Buaya Sangkut, I thought I couldn't survive the trip back. Some parts of the trail were so steep and so dangerous I doubted if I could possibly make it back. Alive. In the original condition that I started in. It was amazing that I even survived it considering that it was around 14 km to and fro. Halfway, I had the urge to use the toilet. Unfortunately there was no toilet at the top. I think I broke my record for the first time by holding my bladder for 5 hours while I trekked back. My friend too had the urge but of the other kind...I wonder how she could hold it in THAT long?

First day we got delayed, third day too. Missed one day of trekking (not that I wanted too, of course). Then we had to put up with some lecherous old monkeys (of the Orang Asli kind...) and a Michael Schumacher wannabe who drove us back to Kahang like he was in a F1 racing dirt track. Phew!

Yesterday I just had my GCE 'O' level MT oral exam and it sucked...I sucked. Well, no, actually I froze up. Couldn't get more than 5 sentences out of my mouth per question. Then the numbness of it finally started to set in.

Yesterday was also my school's Sports Day as well as St John cum NCC day (see how I put St. John first not NCC...). Had to do duty. As always. Underappreciated. As always. One thing I hate about people is their uncanny ability to want help and then shove you aside when you're no longer of use. Like a pair of disposable gloves.

Today was St. John Carnival. My corp was responsible for selling food, namely burgers. And they were delicious too...Had to do traffic duty. At first I was supposed to report for ushering duty but got transferred over. My job was to stop people from parking outside the gates, redirect people to the main gate and to welcome the VVIP. It was OK though. Lucky got Willie Sir. Went round the carnival but ther was nothing much as the the St. John carpark used was very limited. Everything was mostly sold out very fast. Saw some friendly old faces from NCO too...

When I wanted to go home, the bus was redirected because of the NDP rehearsal. Too bad Ma'am pulled us out...When we got to Raffles City Mall, there was a lot of security and policemen , especially near the prestigious hotels. I guess that was because of the upcoming IOC and maybe the NDP rehearsal. It kinda intimidated me a bit because of all the security checks and rifles.