If You come into my heart

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I would run I would fly

if you come into my heart

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Hey. This is where I express my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to leave if you don't like it. :D

this is me)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 / 2:58 AM

WARNING: Selfishly selfish narcissistic post ahead. Don't want to read, fine. MY blog, anyways. Life's unfair, LIVE WITH IT.

Here I am. Just came back from work like 15 minutes ago. So late. Or rather, very early. Sucks. I am so emotionally,physically and mentally drained. I can't summon enough energy to complain. Much. Typing takes less energy. My voice is already so hoarse. Lost 6 kg since I started work. 6 kg in 6 days. And that was only last Wednesday. Maybe I'll turn 0 after 50 days. I don't eat much on breaks, sometimes I never eat. If I'm too busy or they're shorthanded , I don't take my break. And, oh yeah, I've been scheduled to work afternoon or morning shifts these past few days, but I've been working full shift. Cos' not enough people. Waddaheck.

I felt so "paiseh" and hopeless today. There was this guy from Spain. The MNG boss or some other thing came down. When I was trying to get inside the crowded storeroom, I tripped and fell. In front of HIM. Wah lau eh. But I must say, he is handsome (he helped me up by the way...^^). May said I tripped cos' he's handsome. hahaha. And there was this customer who brought a lot of clothes into the Fitting Room at one go. Then asked for this and that. This size and that. On and on. blablabla. After that, once not enough. Came back and did the same thing again. And she didn't buy ANYTHING! A whole mountain of clothes was left by her alone. *_*. GRRRRRRRRRR. But I was patient, cos' I really have no energy to want to be angry, but I was annoyed.

After closing, we had to arrange the stock for sales. Move furniture, arrange shelving, tagging, prepare stocks. I was in Skirts with KiKi. We were damn slow cos' Fiyonn kept commenting, or complaining that this wasn't right, that wasn't right. We were so confused. We arranged by price first and then she comes along and says arrange by size...then by price and a whole load of stuff. I saw the rest like finishing, but we were still kinda stuck. Leng finished her area and even helped us. OMG. I want to cry already. It's like I can't do anything right. Many times I contemplated quitting but they're shorthanded. Anyways, I need to learn to swallow my pride and take things in stride. But remind me to never take retail EVER AGAIN. I want to scream and shout and cry.

Went home in taxi. Can claim from company, no worries. Went home alone. Everybody else live so far away from Sembawang. Long, lonely journey home in a darkened taxi at night. These words just keep pouring out. I want to shed tears, but it's not worth doing. So...I'm blogging my HEART out. Eat this, blogger.

Sunday, June 17, 2007 / 12:16 AM

And I still feel like a stranger in my own mind.

I don't know where it is I should be.

There's a person lookin' back from the depths of me.

But I don't know if the person is me.

Can you hear breaking?

Oh, my heart is a jumble of half-measures.

I'm so weary, I know my own soul,

Has been worn down to a bare thread.

I don't know where to turn.

Sophia, Sophia, I'm burning, I'm burning.

It's a fire, a fire.

I can't put out.

Sophia, Sophia, there's just some things you don't know about.

And innocence seems to be bliss.

A forgiving shoulder takes the weight of my burdens.

But there's no place for me to sleep.

My soul's a weary passenger of my life.

I can only count the days and the weeks.

I need a helping hand.

I'm falling and I can't help it.

The bottomless pit of my soul.

I need a guiding light to see.

Can you offer me hope from your own?

And you, with those soulful eyes...

Have you ever lost your your way?

Like I lost mine.

Have you feared like you've never before...

When darkness is near?

Oh, Sophia.

P.S>> This is VERY loosely based on the blog song now - Sophia by Nerina Pallot. I fit my poem to flow with the song, but added some lines from the song. Cos' I honestly can't think of the chorus. I suck at choruses.

Friday, June 15, 2007 / 1:00 PM

Hi. I finally am bloggin'. Actually, I don't feel much like doing much cos' today is my off-day and I want to rest. Will be working almost everyday for the next few days and the week. Not even spared weekends. sigh. Anyways, the experience so far was quite ok. I was the Fitting Room girl for the first day which was the day before yesterday. Hectic, man. But okaylah. I think I botched up quite a few things. The rest of the crew were very friendly, helped me also. I want to give them thanks. Although I was commented on by Kak Rini for being good, I think that the rest also deserve praise. I am bone tired, man. Weary.

Yesterday was my turn to be in the storeroom. I was positively itching to be in there the day before. Now, I'm not so sure. Endless folding, tagging and whatnot. I think I was really slow. Farah worked faster and she helped me in my area as well. Thanks, bestie. I owe you. You were so stoned, man. Everybody was. And yeah, "Mama" was there yesterday. For your info, that is the name given to our boss. Got our schedules. Turns out we were scheduled to work until the 30th. Which happens to be in the first week of school. We thought the store was informed that we would only work until the 24th. We did tell HR. Anyways, I don't want to talk anymore. Wasting my precious resting time.

Monday, June 11, 2007 / 11:01 AM

Long time no blog. If you call a few days a long time. Well, can't say that I'm in the mood to blog. I'm lethargic and hopelessly lazy now. Dang and blast it.

So far...On Saturday, had a girl's day with Farah. Supposed to play badminton. Well, we did. Just that we didn't play for so long. In the end, we bought teh buih, and later went her house to movie marathon. Watched Shrek 3, Pirates of the Carribean and Stomp the Yard. Didn't finish PotC cos' the last part wasn't uploaded,(Youtube,people) and we only had time to watch half of Stomp the Yard. But it was totally fun. The movies were not as we expected though. Not very funny, and not very understandable. Sequels tend to degrade after no. 2. Thanks to Farah for letting me crash her house always. My house is too embarrassing to even mention.

Yesterday, went for breakfast with family at Al-Ameen. Later, went Toa Payoh with my mother. Bought my black tee and black pants. Cheap. But by my mother's usual standards, a but pricey but affordable, lah. TGIF! (Thank God for SALEs!) But I still feel a bit bad, I mean, I wanted to pay but she refused. (Some one in the background out there is probably screaming at me to just accept the things...) So I think I'm just gonna use my saved allowance for my work pocket money so she doesn't have to spend so much on me. But yeah, I found all the stuff I need, and more. but I think I'll wait till payday. sigh. And we stayed to watch an Family ArtsFest performance. There were these guys in huge costumes with TV on their heads for their faces. I guess they rigged it up so that the camera connected to the TV showed their faces from inside the costume. And another one was half-naked Chinese guys playing the salvo drums, I think. Those huge Chinese drums. Cool. But did I say half-naked? Too bad they weren't really handsome. If not, many a "chiobu" would be hospitalised by the end of the show...

Friday, June 08, 2007 / 11:41 PM

Okay, Biochem was okay. Absolutely good even, cos the remedial Biochem revision that I attended. Almost ALL the questions from the class came out. YAY! Can score. BUt the spoiler is the graph. I can't even plot the damned thing. WTH? I just sat and stared.

Okay, next week I'm going to start work. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007 / 8:35 PM

Must be Christmas. Somewhere.

Wore my favourite (well, only) boots to school. haha. Everytime I wear them, I'm bound to walk funny cos' the heels are quite slippery. Today was HAP. Okay, lah. No comment for all the papers cos' I'm confident. Confident I'll fail. Surprisingly, yesterday's maths was ok. But then again, I'd rather not jinx myself.

Went for the Biochem revision today. Nad, me, Linn and Zuu went Cheers before that. Didn't have time to eat so we snuck the food in the classroom. I hope we don't propagate more ant arrivals...

Monday, June 04, 2007 / 10:19 PM

hehehe.

Alala. Merajuk eh? hehehehe. Dimples are retarded, so they say.

Okay, let me start from the beginning and work to the end. It's easier that way. Wokay, here it goes.

Today was the PIPC and CSAS term paper. I can tell you, I can die for these papers. It's supposed to be quite easy compared to other stuff. But I think that is why I got complacent. You might say downright dumb. Well, that I am, that I am. Moving on, I bet I cursed the buses today a lot of times. I was just on time. phew. Panic does wonders. Anyway, I'm screwed for the paper. Oh, and one thing, sorry Zuu for blurting your tiny, teeny, HUGE, secret. Oops. I need to exercise tact more.

Me, Linn, Nad and Zuu went to eat at Afghanistan. No, it's not the AFGHANISTAN. It's a coffeshop with all-halal stalls somewhere. The place was just chock full of makciks, pakciks and the like. haha. Malay kampong. Anyway, I ate the keema set. Linn and Zuu - nasi campur. Nad - mee rebus. Okay lah. But I'm too used to cheap food. haha.

That bloody IDIOT Jack copied my CSAS paper, the jerk. I knew he would cheat. I could sense it. That's why I purposely blocked the paper from his view. Mostly. I twisted this way and that. Up and down. Fidget here. Fidget there. I think he still got around to some of it. Damn him. Still got the cheek to admit. The bloody arsehole.

Waited for Farah at the bus stop. Decided we wanted to go for the interview. So we travelled to Paya Lebar. Asked directions to a place we are clueless as to the location, rode a bus to MacPherson. We actually missed the stop cos' we weren't sure where to alight. Bought refreshments at ESSO and walked back. Went for the interview. yeah, that's about the sum of it. And yeah, we got the job. YAY! Going to work at MNG in the 2 weeks holidays. Super.

THANKS FARAH!

Dropped by Toa Payoh on our way home. Nothing much. We were too shagged to be in the mood to shop. No money, also. But, it was fun going out with my bestie BEST friend. hehehe.

I need to study. I suck at studying.

Sunday, June 03, 2007 / 2:25 PM

My sugus pillow. Why? Cos' it's shaped like a strawberry pink sugus sweet. haha.

Had a study group session with Zuu, Linn and Nad at TP. At first, it was just Linn and me at the library. Followed by Nad. We then decided to study outside instead so we could eat, and laugh loudly and do whatever without being caught.

So, yeah. We studied. A few chapters of HAP. Very, very little of OC (We could hardly stand it...). And a bit of Maths. I brought my pillow. So tempted to sleep, and not study.

Never do today, what you can do tomorrow...

Last words from a dead man.

Friday, June 01, 2007 / 8:25 PM

Camwhore.

Camwhoring again. (I'm such a closet camwhore...)

I wanted to try "manly" or "handsome" today. Started out as smart casual and turned into this halfway through school.

Met up with Sya today! Finally! Miss her so much. But it doesn't feel the same anymore. sigh. We've all changed. There's no turning back time, though how I wish to. Face it. Change is inevitable. The trio doesn't crack it together anymore. Went round Causeway Point with Sya and Farah, trying to relive the old times. But somehow, it ended up awkward and stiff. Damn. This sucks. But then again, life sucks. (Hope we didn't make you wait too long at least, Sya.)

Yeah, and I found out that a guy in our AS cohort looks like Zaixi-ge from "Be Strong, Geum Soon". Really. I couldn't exactly pinpoint where I saw his familiar face, but realised only today. lol. Even Linn agrees. We kept staring at him. hahah.

Passed my OC, surprisingly. So unexpected. Pass my Biochem, my HAP. But failed my Maths. I think I might fail PIPC.

I think I was not such a good companion today. I was quiet and self-absorbed. Sorry.

Going study group-ing tomorrow at the TP library. I wanna bring my pillow...

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