If You come into my heart

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I would run I would fly

if you come into my heart

profile tagboard affiliates archives

Hey. This is where I express my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to leave if you don't like it. :D

this is me)

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 / 9:45 PM

It's a lonely journey from here;

As I walk the into the distance with fear.

All my earthly worries fade away.

As the light, the stars, the sky...

...turn grey.

The memories all flood back as I'm poised to go.

So I try to turn back.

But it's too late...

Maybe the hurting

is eating our hearts.

So I try to ease back;

But it's keeping us apart.

Cos' it's too late.

The leaden weight of my heart...

...drags me down.

The resonating thus as I fall to the ground.

I look deep into the dark abyss...

And it's too late.

I try...

To hold on.

I think...

Maybe I wasn't

strong enough.

/ 9:23 PM

The Atsuki (former Sumairu) bag it came in.

front view

side view...BUCKLES!!!

platform heels...

Yay!!!

Finally got my platform buckle boots. Since there was no lab today, I had like 5 hours of break before WaterTech, and thus I decided why wait so long for a 1 hour lecture? So I went to collect my boots from Atsuki instead, at Suntec. The anticipation built up since I heard that the boots were here already at the forum. I got so excited over it. I didn't spend much time at Suntec cos' I'm not a browsing person myself when I'm alone. Anyways, will try wearing the boots to school on Friday...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 / 4:16 PM

I'm currently stuck on Empty by The Click Five, and Let Go by Frou Frou. Somuchso that during the CellB lecture yesterday, I wrote song lyrics to the tune of Empty. All the while, I was thinking of the final scene of Pan's Labyrinth, where Ofelia was dying. Man, that was sad. So my lyrics became about that scene. I don't have the lyrics now but I'll upload them as soon as I can.

Anyways, so far, my weeks in TP have yielded nothing but long breaks and late going-home times. I go home late but I have super-long breaks in between. Yesterday 4 hours. Today 4 hours. Tomorrow another 4 hours. Die. Not a good sign that I'm getting tired of the com lab when I will have more long breaks to come. But I think, as the semester progresses, there won't be as many long breaks as now. Cos' part of the long breaks arise from the absence of certain tutorials and labs in the first part of the semester. But anyways, this sucks.

"It's a lonely journey...
...from here.
...Walking into the distance
with fear..."

---short preview of the lyrics...that's all I remember

Sunday, October 28, 2007 / 11:42 PM

Yesterday was killer, man. Jalan raya with the ex-AISS peeps. Again. Don't really mind actually, but a bit predictable. Every year same people same antics. But this year was a bit muted. Not as crazy as before. We chartered a bus. Again. (How many more agains need I put? Too many, that's for sure...) Almost all the last year's people came, with a few exceptions. I won't go that much into detail cos currently, I'm running out of juice. But know that if I'm a bit pudgier, it's beacuse we ate at every house we went to. Like heavy food ate. Mee goreng lah, chicken rice lah. I think I'm still having a glucose hangover. Help. Will update with pics once I get it. Ciao.

Friday, October 26, 2007 / 12:31 PM

Pan's Labyrinth.

I've wanted to watch this even before it was scheduled to be released in Singapore. Saw a review about this in a foreign film magazine like ages ago. Was intrigued by the fairytale pretext of the story and the weird -to say the least- monsters shown. But I didn't watch it in the movies. Instead during the 4 hour break on Wednesday, due to absence of BMic lab, Linn and me watched Pan's Labyrinth instead at the library. I had always thought that the story would be more "happy-ending" fairytale than a dark one. Though, I never did disillusion myself into thinking that this was a Barbie-mild thing. What I expected was WAY different from what I saw.

There's enough violence and gore in this to freak me out a little. I didn't expect this sort of thing. But the make-up and settings were spectacular. The story also held me in it grip, taking twists and turns that I had never believed would happen in the film, if you ask me. But it also gave a very realistic, human quality to the film. No happy, expected ending, which I would feel happy with but not content. You know, the feeling where you knew it would end this way and it did. The story made it such that you were never sure about the whole thing in the first place. In the last scene, she was seen by her stepdad as talking to herself, when she was supposed to be talking to the faun. Was she crazy or did she really see another world that no one else can? And in that death, did she find the true happiness back with her loved ones? Or was that a disillusionment of death? You decide.

/ 12:06 PM

Here I am in the AS com lab. Why? Cos my shared com at home is dying. Sputtering, coughing, dying.

Anyways, my CDS is not U-Arts anymore. It became WaterTech and MOE (Managment of Enterprise). eeyaaaargh. From interesting clashing subject to uninteresting non-choice subject. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this semester doing the CDS. And the worst thing is that they gave me long breaks. 4 hours of break before WaterTech lecture on Tuesdays. Did I mention WaterTech lecture is from 6-7? Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Plus MOE lecture at the same timing on Mondays. 3 days of going home late. Sucky. I go early to school and come back late. Great. There's no difference in the sky from when I go here and when I come back.

Saturday, October 20, 2007 / 1:01 PM

Aaargh. Someone needs to stop me from obsessing. I'm obsessing over things I want to buy. I'm obsessing over food. STOP ME!!! These jewellery above are from ASMAMA, known for selling jewellery that the Korean stars wear. ahhhh. Nice, but so ex. But unique as well. (I think I'm half convincing myself these are worth it. Hmmm. But I need to raise funds as well. Daymn. I still got to pay for my platform boots, my powder and eyeliner. And I already used some of my money for my wig and the iceskating outing. waaaaa.

I've already stopped my endless "martyr" rant. I know I'm weird and selfish. Materialistic even. But hey, at least I'm paying for these myself. I'm selling some of my stuff on SGCafe. Wishmeluck.

/ 11:58 AM

I really blew my top yesterday. I think it was the accumulation of pent up anger and frustration from puasa. Cos' during puasa, I can't be angry and all. So I thought, okay, nevermind, I will sabar and be patient. Tahan. Not angry. All is well. Even though sometimes I was hopping mad, I still managed to calm down. And then yesterday, because of my irritating stupid brother, I totally lost it. Totally. I was practically hyperventilating. Screaming in your mind isn't a good idea. It sucks.

My brother thinks that just because I don't beat him back, I am going to docilely take it. He beats me if he's angry with me. What the bloody fuggin 'ell. Never helps out. Takes for granted that I will always follow my mother and carry the groceries. And I make the damned effort to insist on taking the most of the heavy stuff from my mother. What did you do? He's so lucky I got over my short-tempered streak. Last time, I would have been screaming bloody murder and throwing chairs around. Really. No kidding. I have then changed cos' I knew that wasn't a really good trait to have. When I was angry, I used to show it. Now, I've learned to manage it.

Ask for God's help. Syaitan shouldn't have a hold on me.

Thursday, October 18, 2007 / 2:02 PM

Iceskating! hahah. It was kinda of a "class" outing. But only 11 people came - me, Zuu, Linn, Wess, Hafidz, Xuan, Mei Yee, Gina, Faiz, AlexZz, Alex Tan. But it was fun. Slippping and sliding. I'm sure I looked more like an idiot flailing around. We went at 1 plus and ended it at around 6. By the time we went home, our muscles were all screaming in protest and our butts were damp with icewater. We ate BK at IMM for dinner, where Zuu, Linn and me played the "chilli plus ice gives heat" prank. And Xuan fell for it. We tried to kena Alex Tan at first but he missed by chance. Daymn. Sorry, Xuan.

On the way home on the MRT, guess who Zuu and me saw? The OC chinese teacher. All were busy "ignoring" each other. lol. And there was this little kid in front of us. We thought of giving away our seats but...well...And he was looking at me all the time. Like he was berating me or something. eee...

Like my new hair? This was not photoshopped in anyway (if not, I would look like a model... :p)except to brighten up the pic as I'm fond of not using the flash.

More updates later.

Saturday, October 13, 2007 / 12:47 AM

Aftermath of my killing- sorry- cleaning spree.

Foodstuffs everywhere.

Move here. Move there.

You can tell when I'm pissed when I start cleaning stuff. Like MAJOR cleaning. Throw here, throw there. Stuff everywhere. I'm a slob, so cleaning is a major sign that I've gone "cuckoo". I use cleaning as an outlet for anger. Who said anger management was expensive?

Well, last few days, I was pissed. Really pissed. Went on a killing rampage for a few days. Well, puasa not supposed to be mad but...

Anyways, I attacked the hall rugs and mopped the area. I scrubbed the toilet so hard as if I could find gold underneath the tiles. Then, I ransacked the kitchen cabinets, mopped, then rearranged the foodstuffs.

In short, majorly pissed. Nobody is doing anything for cleaning up the house, except for my mother, and she's busy so not much really. I was angered by this, went on a rampage and when nobody even felt so much as remorse, it fed my anger and thus I ransacked some places. So some areas are clean and some are not. So if Raya you guys are coming my house, you know what happened, huh?

Just now, followed my mother to Geylang to look for my siblings' stuff for Raya. Ended up having to break fast at Geylang cos' we couldn't make it in time home. Tapi, buka air jer. (Ye eleh.) Bought some baju, songkok and other bargain-worthy items. But the bazaar didn't yield much nice and cheap items. All same old, same old. Anyways, bought henna and did this... Took me some tries though, with a lot of smudging as my hands were shaking alot.

My logo. As usual.

Well, enough of my narcissistic rants. Verbal diarrhoea is only good once so every often.

Friday, October 12, 2007 / 12:01 AM

TAGGED! by Zuu*

RULES:1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player etc on Shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.-

---

1. If someone says “is this okay?” you say: Behind these Hazel Eyes (I hardly have hazel eyes...so is that a yes or a no?)

---

2. What do you like in a guy/girl? Robin (ambiguous answer...Is my dream guy named Robin? Batman & Robin? de ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne BATMAN! BATMAN!) :)

---

3. How do you feel today? Breakaway (true actually: refer to my next/future post.)

---

4. What is your life’s purpose? My Happy Ending (yet another truth...I want to find my happy ending...be it in life or a in position in the afterlife.)

---

5. What is your motto? Howling ( [?] -"reaching for the moon"?, "anger management is key"?[truth], "werewolves rule!"?...what?)

---

6. What do your friends think of you? Woojoo Jungbok (as it is an instrumental piece...I honestly have no comment on the title...lols...but it is a lively song as thus I think it can be construed to mean that I'm lively?)

---

7. What do you think of your parents? Al-Fatihah (ZOMG. whaddefugg. Don't tell me this means what I think it means...) :( *cry*

---

8. What do you think about very often? Bonbons au Chocolat (another instrumental...seems I like those. Anyways, I always think about chocolate? Ummm...not really..unless you count books, people, life, love ~~~*insert squigglies*~~~ and guys as chocolate bonbons... yum.)

---

9. What is 2 + 2? Missing. (*sweatdrops* Quantum Theory of Complex Mathematics anyone? *...difference in spatial time continuum of both integers leads to black hole...*)

---

10. What do you think of your best friend? Dahji Mothan Maeum (you would probably ask why my mp3 is full of instrumentals or songs with have funny names...ans: Korean and Japanese OSTs. anyways can't find the meaning of this so...sorry Farah...)

---

11. What do you think of the person you like? Shake It (sexy?)

---

12. What is your life story? ee byul mot han ee byul ( [roughly translated: my beautiful lover] - where?)

---

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? Doa Iftitah (ummm...I guess that would mean be a more religious person? Ustazah Munawwarah anybody?)

---

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Crystal Flower (awww...so sweet...)

---

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? Sha Po Lang (Chinese Paladin OST...if you wanna look at the translation, if I'm not wrong...is "killing wolf"...or so I've heard...feel free to correct me... "Hi! Welcome to my wedding. Appreciate the gift. Here..."*beheads WOLVES!*)

---

16. What will they play at your funeral? Easy (what? no grief, no prayers? like this, I'm gonna be sent STRAIGHT to hell.)

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17. What is your hobby/interest? Shiki no Uta ( [translated: Song of Four Seasons] - nature?)

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18. What is your biggest fear? Four Seasons (...wow...what are the odds that no 17 and no 18 are both songs titled four seasons?)

---

19. What is your biggest secret? Kuuchu Sanpo ( [translated: Stroll Through The Sky] - ahhh...this one's easy...I can fly.)

---

20. What do you think of your friends? My Love (yeah!)

---

NOw for the lucky tagged ones: Farah

Syahirah

Linn

Sunday, October 07, 2007 / 9:48 PM

The brownie I tried to bake turned into a chewy cookie. lols. Mississippi Mud "Brownie", my foot. Well, novice is as novice does. Oh, and by the way, I absolutely ABHOR bazaars. Especially Geylang during Ramadhan season.

1)Over-abundance of MATS and MINAHS. Of all the unoriginal, tak senonoh people. Tak nak puasa tapi nak raya. :p

2)Too many people in a small,crowded humid space.

3)And all the people walk too damned slowly. Terhegeh-hegeh.

I will not be a willing participant to go into the bazaar again. But I must, since nobody else wants to go or has exams. And I'm the only one "conveniently free". The house in upside-down, in a mess. And still is, so close to Hari Raya. aaaaargh.

And my father might want to quit his current job and go for another one. He has been thinking of quitting since goodness knows when. And when that happens, I'll have to work. I'm the eldest. I can't not work. I'll be too wracked with guilt not to.

Oh, the things guilt will make you do.

Friday, October 05, 2007 / 7:24 PM

I am super frustrated. hahaha. Applied for the Watson's job today. Dang, was she (the interviewer) intimidating. And she was the one that we talked to on the previous interview last year. Nevermind. Then, after the interview, we went round supermarkets and Phoon Huat checking out the baking goods. It was more than a little overwhelming. All the stuff. Thinking of the budget and finances. Thinking about whether I have time to rush to work on weekdays. Thinking if I have time to study. Thinking whether I can cope. If I get the job, I would have to work two weekends and two weekdays after school. BUT. Usually I finish school at around 6. How the HECK am I supposed to get to work on time?

Thursday, October 04, 2007 / 11:58 PM

I am so in LOVE with this song. But I can't find it anywhere. sigh. Perfect fairytale song. As you can expect from Barbie movies. Yes, you heard it. Barbie. I don't care if I'm 17+. I like Barbie. Perpetuating the fantasy of a fairytale is a sort of escapism.
Anyways, just now went job-hunting with Farah. Suffice to say, we went everywhere (we roamed everywhere being sesat as usual). Including Novena Square, Tampines, Hougang Mall, Bugis. In order. But we didn't go for a single interview. Cos we didn't read the fine print and had mistaken the days. Or some were simply unsuitable (pork ribs anyone?) and only realised after we had arrived. But it was fun. Travelling Singapore in leaps and bounds. lol. More to come but the details can wait till later.
But the day ended on a high note as we discussed our plans to set up shop with the TP pushcart when some time after the school reopens. If you wanna know what we're sellin', you'll have to wait...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 / 6:50 PM

Unlucky or lucky?

doinnggs.

Found this victorian-inspired ankle boot from Bata that I was in love with before. On sale at $15!!!

But...there's only one pair...in size 5.

*cries in corner*

But...there was this This Fashion sale at the HDB hub. My mother found this great black trenchcoat for $5. Nice. Uber cool. *score one for the team*

Then Hang Ten missed called me. I knew it was Hang Ten cos' Farah messaged me. Then, I was like whaddaheck. They said there was supposed to be a selection process and the results told by Saturday and there would be a briefing. BUT. They never called. Even a few days later. Now, right before the day itself, they called? WHAT-THE-HECK.

Then that time I cancelled our TP girls outing for buka. Now is completely cancelled. No one is free on other days. This Saturday might be going Geylang with ex-AISS Malay gang. Dunnolah.

See first.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 / 10:49 PM

I'm rotting at home. Wasting my parents' money. Wasting the Earth's resources and my God-given abilities (What abilities, I do not know...). Anyways, enough dissembling.

I have been struck by the Ramadhan blues. Hard. I dunno. Guilt is weighing heavy on my heart. There are a lot of things I need to think through my life.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com