Back from my slumber. *yawn* Obviously, I have not studied. Obviously, I'm not doing anything. Obviously, I don't deserve to waste my parents' money. But then, who does? Okay, found out something very shocking today that left me disgusted and forever altered my view on certain people. No guys, I'm not gay. Not that gay anyways. For confidentiality purposes, their name shall remain a secret. I heard that some people were deliberately bullying and teasing a person who does not have any friends and seems a nerd. Exact word would be "slenger". They singled him out cos' they didn't like him following them around and thought him super "slenger". By rights, they are all also "slenger" except that they step macho cos' they are less "slenger". So, does it mean that I'm beautiful gorgeous if I'm less ugly than the ugliest person in the world (By the way, I'm one of the top contenders for ugly...)? No, right? Dumbasses. He doesn't have any friends for goodness sakes. You all are a bunch of pissyfaces. WTH? lemmespellthatout. YOU'RE-NOT-COOL. freaks. And that says something since I'm a weirdo myself. I know how that person feels, man. If you "perahsantan" about this article, FISH u!

Back from Cosfest. Have a slight headache. Incessant pounding. "You know when your head goes BOOM BOOM BOOM?"...hahah. I still can joke. Anyways, reached Cosfest very early. The main tent wasn't all that full of booths but there were a lot of people milling around, taking pictures and stuff. As usual, I was alone and feeling overwhelmingly awkward. *_*. The GE forum people that I was supposed to meet didn't show up except for rundaria who was cos-ing VK. I watched the performances though. lols. Only a few were really memorable, but I must still applaud them for their great costumes. There were a lot of great cosplayers going around. *envy* Too bad I didn't bring the camera. I got no money. Even for batteries. Absolutely NO money. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Resisted the urge to withdraw money though I was super hungry. Damn. At least, tomorrow I will have my weekly allowance.

Ok, time for an update. On Friday, me, Nad, Lin and Zuu went to eat at Arnold's. First, we wanted them to deliver but they had backlog orders so we had to wait a few hours, maybe 2. But, we decided that we might as well go there. So we travelled to City Plaza. We finished eating WAY slower than other people. Even those who came after us. lol. But I must thank Zuu, Nad and Lin for lending me the money first, I promise to pay u back the rest. I felt bad for doing so, but I could not pick up the habit of withdrawing money as I please. But I cannot rest my conscience until my debt is paid. You guys are way too good for me.

If people's acetaniline crystals are going to be destroyed, I am at fault. Shit. Anyways, I need to study. I'm slacking. Got my yukata from my aunt in Japan and a new monitor, which I paid for. I need to stop emo-ing. Life's too short. Can't care what the freak' people think. Must not. I miss the four musketeers. I want my old life back.

I hate this. I have sunk to the lowest of the low. This is not who I want to be. Callous, shallow, undeserving, fake. I might not look like it, but I feel like it. I feel so awkward in my own skin. When I go out, I feel so weird, so sick of myself. I don't even deserve to cry. I feel so guilty so unsure. So faithless. I mean, I believe in God and everything, but I feel like everything I do is wrong somehow. I can never see myself the way other people see me. I have my good days and my bad days. Mostly, I feel like I'm a freak. I should be locked away for good. Away from myself and people that shouldn't be tainted by the likes of me. Maybe, today, I feel especially sensitive about it. Maybe, I'm weak. Life feels like it's just a meaningless routine. I'm sure it has purpose. Maybe, not yet. Maybe, not now. But, soon. I should help myself. But the compulsion to do it fades. The awkward me is the only me I know. As me. And thus I should change my mindset. God is great. God is Almighty. My belief in God should overcome any obstacles that I face. Insya'allah.

Went to my former workplace again today. MNG Centrepoint. To return the taxi money cos' we had no receipt. Anyways, Mama was not there already. So sad. I thought this was her last day. Maybe it was yesterday. *_*. Anyways not many of the family were there. I saw only Fiyonn, Neri, Derrick and at the last moment, Tan. I spoke to Fiyonn. She was very nice. Even advised me on how to claim the receipt back. But sadly, I do not know the license plate no. Anyways, I know company policy. But I didn't stay long though, 5-7 mins tops. Aww. I think I was too in a rush to get back to school. (I was still supposed to meet Nad and Lin at school....I was late.) My bad. Aww. But most of them were OFF so I couldn't get to see them. GRr.

Printed some stuff in the PC Lab. Went through a dark corridor accidentally cos' I got lost on the wrong floor. Scary. Had PIPC lab today. Zuu didn't come cos' she was late. So sad. Wasted the trip here.

Hey, it's me again. Finally worked up enough energy to blog.

Whoever said fainting was easy obviously never fainted before. Whatever you see on TV, them doing it at the drop of a hat is most probably not fainting. For one thing, it makes you feel like shit. After you've come to, it feels as if you've been hit by a ton of bricks. And then some. Yesterday proved that.

I went for the NDP "Largest Human Singapore Flag" rehearsal yesterday at the Padang. The turnout was better than expected they said. The grid was filled up really early. But we couldn't join yet because we had to wait for the other TP schools to come. WTH? We had to wait for quite some time. And it was hot. Very hot. The rehearsal was a bit lame, but fun. Only because we laughed at the antics of other people. After we were dismissed, we went to eat at Burger King after we got lost a few times. I ate a Whopper Meal, and Nad, Lin and Zuu ate Mushroom Swiss Meals. Two Singles and 1 Double. I played the "chilli-ice" prank. Which Nad fell for. (Sorry, Nad.). lols. I managed to keep a poker face so they wouldn't suspect. Yay for me!

But soon, we had to part. All went in different directions on the MRT track.The train via Jurong East was super packed, there was only standing room. I was stuck standing near the doors, where everybody seemed to want to crowd in despite the many people. At Yio Chu Kang station, I was already feeling a bit uneasy. I felt like I wanted to get out of the train, but I didn't. As the train was leaving the platform, my eye started twitching. Once, twice. Then quite violently for a few more times. And then I don't remember any more. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor. I really though I had been asleep. Then there were these blurry sea of faces around me. Then I realized, shit. My hands and legs were numb. I tried to curl my fingers but I couldn't. They were kinda frozen in place, half-curled. Someone reassured me that we were getting off on the next stop, Khatib. Cos between Yio Chu Kang and Khatib was a long way. Then they carried me out. The MRT personnel asked me whether I was prone to fits, whether this had happened before, did I want an ambulance. I said no except for the had I fainted before question. I thought about last year at NTUC. Thank God for these good Samaritans. Especially the one who was with her boyfriend. She helped me to Sembawang and called my house and all that. Luckily, she was living near my area also. I didn't want to inconvenience her too much. After a while, I could move, but I was still feeling a little dizzy. I think I looked half-mad, like a drug addict or worse.

Then my sister came to pick me up. I had to stop every few benches and rest. I debated on whether to take a taxi cos I didn't feel up to walking all the way home. Then, I was like "no taxi, what the heck, let's go that block before I can't take it". Really, I think I was being a pathetic wimp. I think I was making a big fuss about myself. Poor sis. But I really felt like shit at the time. If it wasn't dizziness, it was nausea. Then we waited for my mum to come at the next "pit stop" and she applied medicinal oil. It was burning me awake. Really. After that, the feeling subsided and I was mostly okay. Then, I went home and slept. Seriously, of all the times I fantasized that fainting in front of a handsome guy or a romantic swooning, this does no justice. I guess in reality, it's far less romantic. Maybe they faked it.