Miss Emily Tow was quite harsh today. More so than usual. And that's saying a lot. Maybe she still han't got over grieving for her father yet...It's perfectly understandable.

Went to Nanyang Poly today...Went over the possible choices and what I'm interested in..I can't really decide. I want to join Design but my drawings suck and I'm quite close-minded. So Bioengineering it is...Nursing is out of the question....

Farah and Sya have steads already. Last time, I had joked that Sya would be the next one to have a stead. Well, it came true. Arrgh! I feel kind of awkward around them. They have changed since the advent of the "steads". I'm the only one who doesn't have a stead and I feel incomplete, out of place (not so much because I want one... :p). Anyway, who would want to stead with me. I would probably ignore the poor guy and maybe even forget I have one. lolx.

I feel like a fake. a big fat fake. Just now during training I was like shouting at the top of my lungs...and for what? To show off of course. Like the fake I am. To impress who? I also don't really know. Well, maybe I do. I'm too messed up. Bleurgh. Ah well, I am a depressed psychomaniac. Too bad.

This morning, I almost cried. Eugene didn't want to go sick bay. He was very sick and was adamant about not going. Even when he already vomit a few times, got blood I think. He said he wanted to blank out. I was so scared. He even said "I won't die. It's not like I'm dying, right?"...Scary, man. We tried several wayts and by several people to persuade him to go. But he's a stubborn ass. As usual. So we had no choice. We had to inform a teacher. In the end, he was force to go by Mrs Boh. He said "I don't want to go. Hey...You all sabo me leh...Why you tell?" To which, Mrs Boh replied "You have good friends you know. This is what friends should do..." She also said that we did the right thing. Honestly, I was so scared. You could see the panic in my face when I was in class. I'm too bummed out...Peace out.

Friday was the CCA Open House. I remember being so fed up that the committee was backstabbing, pushing blame to each other, almost coming to fights with each other that I wanted to hold a small "talk" after dismissal with the whole committee. After all, I was the Welfare sub-head. Finally we talked, set things to rights and cleared the air. It was a load 0ff everybody's chests as we poured out our frustrtions and thoughts. I felt like there was hope after all...

Shikin has just called and poured out her frustrations on me. Plus, I keep hearing from everybody that he/she has a problem with someone or the other. They keep talking about each other behind each other's backs and say something completely different when the person's around. If they're frustrated...then I must be a walking frus cloud. And this is coming from a messed up ball of confusion. Now, I'm a certified nutcase. One day, I might just storm out of of a meeting, slam the door and yell "Go to Hell...I don't give a shit! You guys can go kill yourselves for all I care!". I need help. So now I'm asking...

HEEEELLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't mess with the messed up...me. I've been on an emotional and mental rollercoaster. It's not stress or anything, just me. I think I'm depressed. Or paranoid. Or dependent. Or just plain crazy. Someone slap me. One moment I'm feeling happy, another I feel insecure and reclusive. Arrgh, I don't know what I feel.