I yielded to the temptation. I had no choice. My sister read the book before I did. And plans to read the whole series now. I was the one who "discovered" (..and borrowed) the book. I should be the one to read it first. I didn't even get to read it because I knew I would get hooked. I was "saving" it. Now, jealousy (...and pride) made me read it. Now, I'm stuck on the book. Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter. Damn, but it's good. All the elements that I love in a story. How could I resist? Spunky, gutsy heroine and handsome, slightly off the bad side hero. Resistance, romance and action-adventure. Argh. The list of addictions grows longer...Jean-Claude. Anita. sigh.

Haha. Cannot puasa today. Not that I am happy about it. Just surprised. Usually, I have cramps beforehand but not now. Hmm. And I still haven't got a baju raya. sigh.

Testdriving sucks. Testdriving a shoe that is. Wore my Raya shoes out to Sun Plaza. Damn, my feet hurt. But what can I say, such is the price of vanity.

Had a mishap with chilli yesterday. Specifically, chilli padi. It's not hot actually, but I washed my hands with a "refreshing" hand soap. The effect damn near killing me. My hands felt like they were on fire or something. Turns out, the hand soap, I think, had cooling effect. Mixed with the hot chilli, it was absolutely power. Couln't tahan it. Had to move about, put my hands in milk and that sort of thing. Nope, didn't work. Finally, I fell asleep, too tired to do anything. Luckily, it's gone. Thank God. But my mother just misunderstood me the whole time. She said something like "Where got chilli got that kind of effect one? I cut chilli padi also never kena before." in Malay. She didn't understand when I tried to tell her about the soap. I tried. A few times. Then gave up. Whaddehell?! No use trying to explain to my mother. Never works.

I'm over my maniacal stage now. Don't know why and don't wanna know. I'd rather as soon forget about it. So I'm not cutting my hair. Maybe. I still don't know cos' the old feelings might come back any moment. I almost felt like crying and screaming in the morning. Dammit.

Watched Stay Alive today. Went with Peishi, Sya, Sharmila and Farah. At first, I didn't want to go. Not so much money. Some more, I heard the thing was scary. Then, I just decided to go on the spur of the moment. The movie was damn scary. My bag was covering half my face the whole time and I was hugging it so tight. Got a shock man. The screaming part was killer. Keep a rose with you tonight...

My eyes are slightly less puffy than before. Must be the time waiting for Blogger to load. Plus the stupid computer's on the fritz. I think I'm going crazy. One moment I'm crying like my heart is broken and there's no tomorrow. On the other hand, afterward, I feel almost normal again. Like now. I don't know what's wrong with me. And today, I became so frustrated with my hair that I just decided to ask my mum to cut it off. I really, really wanted it off. Short. Really short. The damn thing was bugging me. I was so disappointed that she could not do it today. She asked me to wait til' Saturday or Sunday. I grew so damn frustrated, I started to cry. Everything poured out. I became like a maniac again. I just suddenly couldn't stand my hair. Then and there, I wanted to cut it. Which I would if my parents wouldn't scold me. Now, I'm going to go cut it tomorrow. I don't care. I just don't want to see it anymore. If I hack it, I think I'll feel better but I'll end up looking like a tornado just hit me.

I don't know what's gotten over me. Puasa also I want to cry. Must be the pressure. You know, "the pressure". The weeks are fast dissolving and I am starting to panic. Outwardly, I might not show it but inwardly, when I'm all alone, my desperation and panic show. This madness is killing me. I don't know how much more I can take. I guess I'll go crazy when it does really come. Help.

P.S.> I already bought my raya shoes but no raya clothes. I already talked to "tom yam" on MSN messenger. GOONG! Yeah, been wanting to say these things but I didn't have time. Now that I think of it, my mind is more relaxed now. I can breathe easier. Not much, though.

Stupid idiot. What only. He says things, gives promises, then doesn't fulfil them. Then he denies it and blames anybody but himself. Afterward, cries and cries. Bloody idiot. My brother, lah. Fine, I won't spoil my blog by putting a mention of him in it.

Skipped HMT today. The rest weren't going so I, as usual, decided not to also. 25 more days to "O" and counting. Been more "productive" than usual lately. Which is not much. And that's saying something. The more time I spend blogging, the more time I will tend to linger at the computer and not study. And I keep being paranoid. "Burma Head". lolx. Hearing stupid noises from the kitchen and my bathroom light is flickering. Scary, sia.

Made up with Sya today. Just a simple handshake, but I think it's still awkward. No matter. What matters is that I apologised. I think things have been going bad for me lately. Academically, emotionally. And mentally. I think I'm changing. For the better or the worse? I haven't found out yet. But when it happens, you'll be the first to know.

28 more days to the "O"s. OMG. I'm so not frikkin' prepared. I'm still slacking. It seems as if I'm horrifyingly detached from my body. And obviously my brain too. Need to study. If only my errant sibling(s) could help out around the house and let me have some other time to study. If not, I will get the blame for the house not being clean and goodness knows what other shit. I'll get the blame anyways.
A sibling should help out. My future depending on my "O"s trumps you. But I think, mama does not think that way. Apparently, being GE and in RGS, even if you don't need to take the "O"s, she still think of her over me. hah. Which is rather sad actually...

Had to swallow my pride today. I didn't even know there was so much to swallow. My E.Maths. You know, lah. Terror. As is terrible. Had to sit beside her and do locus and transformation. I didn't mind actually. Once I got my pride out of the damn way, it was fine. There is no point having pride without knowledge.

Accompanied Nithya today to look for Yoga. Apparently, he left her, and we found him and Rama at the coffeeshop. Eating. Well, whoop de doo. I stayed over with them, watching them eat. A lot of ribald jokes and "finger sex" went on between them. Them as in Yoga and Rama. And "finger sex" as in make a "finger man/woman" and put them together. Whadever. Later, we ventured to the miniest of the mini playground near the coffeeshop. Ended up talking when I said I wanted to go back. I talked to Nithya a bit about Yoga taking her for granted. When we all talked together, the subject of kissing and other relationship issues surfaced. Nithya and Yoga kissed like a few times. Aiyah! So much things happened that you have to be there to see it. Plus, I am lazy to write.

Okay, going to study now. Well, try to, lah.

Being crazy again. I am totally clueless as to what I am doing right now. I was going through the whole day in a "sian"ed state. I even ignored Farah and Syahirah all the way after school, even to HMT. Couldn't be bothered by anything anymore. Made this modified skin because I was inspired by the Call Me When You're Sober music video. Hot, right? Btw, did you watch Love Anthology on Channel 5? I hate the little f&$*ing brat. Spoiled idiot. People sacrificed so much and yet that is what you say to and how you treat them...

Haha. My secret's out. I blame Sharmila entirely for the breakage of trust. sniff. I trusted you. At least noe I know who she like. As if I didn't already guess. It's like so obvious.

Man, going crazy these days. And not just over the Call Me When You're Sober music video ( which is soo cool and has a steaming hot guy, btw). sigh. Back to the point, I'm going nuts over people of certain a gender. I wish I didn't. I won't say that it's not fun and all but it's hard to be truly free of restraints when you've got these screwed idea of impressing them. There. It's all out. God help me.

I am worth $1,334,030 on HumanForSale.com


Come on, take the test. You never know what you're worth. hahaha. Bought a Disney plushie mp3 apeaker today. I get "joint custody" with my sis over it. She paid for half. Well, "O"s are creeping ever closer and I am not closer (by half, even) to getting ready. Must gather strength to defeat laziness demon in me...