Went on a short jaunt yesterday to Toa Payoh. Nothing much happened. I just wandered around, looking at the many, many wonderful sales. So much so that I almost couldn't control myself. Bought this black jumper dress at $10. All the while I've been looking and now I've found a perfect one. A steal, too. Yes! This was when I was waiting for Farah and Shar to arrive. Then we looked around. Bought pants at this shop having a clearance sale. Perfect for kodona and EGA styles. It's amazing how easily you can piece a kodona outfit or mannish EGA. And the jumper also works with my K-star blouse for an EGL look. But still, all I have now are all-black outfits. One day, I'm going to look like I'm going to a funeral. Everyday. Dunno. Black is slimming, so I can't argue...

I left Farah and Shar cause I needed to go home earlier to help cook dinner. Emphasize help, not make. They were still looking for the shoes for today's Achievement Day at our former school. Also amazing how we are now tertiary school students. Wow. I'm not mature enough...

Green. I am positively green with envy. Yes, the evil monster of unreasonable hate. haha. Reminds me of the Hulk. (Fuck, my father read this first part. Fuck it. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. I am too embarrassed and angry for other words to express this. so i say...fuck.) Well, that over with, let's continue shall we?

Envy. Yes. I have the case of the envies. Neon green at that. Why? Trivial and material matter anyway. Well, to say the least, everywhere I see couple together. Makes me jealous. Not that I want to be in one. Just like my previous post, it's something I don't have and have never experienced before. But judging by my friends' relationships, I don't know whether I really want to have one anytime soon. Maybe I'm just too cynical (yeah, right...). A cynical romantic. A paradox or oxymoron if I ever heard one. Another thing, beauty. Well, to say the least, attractiveness. I only have craziness and psycho to back me up. haha. Got whole graveyards of insecurities in my closet.

I know this behaviour is degrading and may likely cause me to have an inferior complex or some other psycho problem, but yeah, I have it. sigh. Can't a girl feel normal anymore? Dang. I know my friends will say that I look "pretty", I know that it's not true so don't console me. I think I'll stick to matchmaking. Other people. haha. Less emotional attachments, twice the mischievous fun. Think of all the romantic scenarios I could orchestrate. bwahaha. Single people beware!

You always want what you can't have. Selfish me. haha. Got straight hair, want wavy hair. Got healthy body, want stick-thin unhealthy body. lol. Got no money, want money. bwahaha. Yeah, definitely selfish. Thinking about my own problems too much. Yeah, absolutely...

Cr-razy baby! Yeah! So much so that I fell from a "merry-go-round thingy" at the playground...It's not the falling down that was crazy. It was that I slipped off my butt and lay down there, laughing my head off. Twice (I guess once wasn't enough for me...). We really were demented. Spinning around like crazy, but actually it was fun...Kinda like a mini-rollercoaster.

Before that, we went to RP to accompany Sya to take forms. Me, Farah, Shar. RP is actually quite nice. Too bad. We were busy pretending not to be freshies. Well, not obviously at least. But, again, nothing much. After that, went around Causeway Point. Somehow ended up in Metro looking at underwear and bras. All Shar's fault. Her obsession with them is amazing. *_* lol. Then went to Farah's house to help Shar and Sya with their forms. At least, Farah did. haha. Her brother started crying as soon as we came in. Were our faces that horrible? But eventually, he warmed up, even laughing and smiling. I guess he was like Yasin, my cousin. You need to do ice-breaking everytime you came for quite some time before he got used to you.

Well, nothing much to report. Not anything that I can describe properly and do justice to in words, that is. dum di dum dum...

Mission almost complete.Cut up some old tops, found some buckles, add on and voila! A new piece of clothing. Success! Well, almost. But the buckle top was done. Cool...If only I could make more stuff...

Damn, I'm an ass. I can be such as ass when it comes to certain things. For one thing, guys. Another thing, social graces. Damn.

Went for the orientation for the event crew today with Daphne. Had to wait quite a while before we got around to anything. Bored out of our minds, the waiting. But soon, we were introduced to our "trainers". Mine was Joseph, a Chinese guy and Daphne's was Andrew, an Indian guy. Quite young. Around our age. Although I will not publicly admit to this, but I think he was kinda cute. sshhhhh. Damn. Both from Ngee Ann Poly. haha. Ok, lah. They were easygoing and friendly. Daphne was quiet though. We later had to split cos' I was going to AMK and she was going to SIM.

As I think back, I think SIM should have been better in response. Joseph, me, I Yeu and Ming Fan took a taxi to AMK. Kinda awkward for me to be around them at first but I soon warmed up to them. Actually, they were the ones who were more quiet. We first ate at a coffeeshop (well, I had a can of crysanthemum tea that Joseph treated me to while they ate ), talked a while, then set off. Well, I must say that the people who they asked were not forthcoming in the donations department. And the exceptional people who did donate were ok. One even gave $10. weee.

But really, the number of people who refused and the way they refused was enough to put me off. You gotta admire people like Joseph cos' of their tenacity. I had to follow him like an idiot while he went around asking for donations. Damn. And they were all looking at me weirdly. Fuck, lah. But later Daphne called me to say that she had backed out. I was going to do that earlier too but was feeling a bit sorry to leave them. Then, I considered my options and asked them if I could back out and they let me. We shook hands and I left. I kinda wonder what they thought of me. They treated me and all and I was supposed to be "learning". I don't know. I was too busy avoiding looking at Joseph. haha.

Well, now I know what Farah feels like when she sees someone she likes. A little. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I want to be unaffected by anything and everything. Cos' I dunno...I'm afraid I'll go mad. I know...I have issues. Well, damn them. I can't stop this stupid feeling like I'm in a Truman situation. You know, the one where his whole life was not what it seemed and everybody knew his life better than he did. By the way, the donations were for the Silver Ribbon - awareness for mental health disorders. I think I should have been one of the recipients. Cos' this, meaning me, is crazy.

Jakonese. Like they have never seen an ang moh working before. Well, there was this ang moh baker at Giant Tampines. A whole crowd of gawkers were there and asking him to give them the sliced loaf bread. He was slicing and packing them as fast as he could and more and more people asked for the bread. And he was just doing that, and only that. Nothing else. I feel sorry for the poor guy. Surely there must be something else better for the guy to do. I mean, something more useful and rewarding. Man, Singaporeans are Jakonese to the core. I bet if it was a Malay/Chinese/Indian man, it would not be so.

One more thing, I'm never going to go there again willingly. Damn crowded. And everybody was walking too damn, FREAKING SLOW! At least if you're not burdened with anything heavy, walk faster idiots! And they just barge through. Dumbasses. haha. Saw this like "conga line" of Indian workers pass me. Then they said "epok-epok" and some other stupid stuff. Guys, they're all the same.

After that, ate at Jalan Kayu. Then went to Sun Plaza to put the stamp on my enrollment package and send it out. I thought my mother had stamps, wanted to send yesterday, but she didn't. Today, she said. Cos' she didn't want me to go buy the stamp at night yesterday. Well, she forgot to tell me that there were no postmen to send it today. Shit. Now it's late. It will only be sent out tomorrow. But, really, it's all my fault anyways. Yeah, yeah. I didn't say I have to be happy with it, just that I have to accept it. hah.

Got my medical report. Nothing wrong with me. So undramatic. But then again, sekali I wish for stuff to happen, all the things that I don't want to go wrong, will. sigh. Touch wood and wood products. haha.

Anyways, went out with Nithya, Yoga and her primary-school best friend, Rachel. Went to eat at BK. Talked. Decided not to catch a movie and went to take neoprint instead. Nithya and me paid for the neoprint. 0.o". After that went to Yoga's house. Watched Scary Movie 4. Went to Nithya's house, minus Yoga. Met up with her parents. Had a little gal time. Went home. I think that just about covers it.

Saw Shu Min at NP's Gift a Name. Long time no see, huh. I don't know what to say after this...Oh, and yeah, thought I saw Project Superstar winner Darren yesterday in the MRT. Looks exactly like him. But...couldn't be. Since he was on an MRT train unescorted and all...

Job hunting is difficult. Especially when you're non-Chinese (presuming they can speak Mandarin and eat pork), under 18 and about to start school. For the whole day, only went for one interview - International Plaza at 4 pm. Daphne and me met up very early so we ended up waiting a lot. We got gotten bored counting the cars at the side of the road as we were sitting, waiting at the bus stop outside IP. hahahaha. Most of the ones we called said we did not meet their "requirements". Damn. But the food taster one was damn good man, at $12 bucks an hour. Too bad it involves pork. ha! But the one we went to was for events crew. Still waiting for confirmation. Monday have orientation, as a selecting round.

Check-up. Done! Went to SATA today around almost 10 in the morning. Saw a long line outside. Spotted Farah who was still waiting and a few other people we knew. Peng Yong, Andrew, Rong Zhou, Benjamin, Yu Kuang, Qi Xia. The X-ray part was abit embarrassing, must wear a robe with nothing underneath your torso. No shirt. No bra. *eye pops 0.o* The X-ray itself was so short. Like flashing someone, then done. There was also a urine test, blood pressure test and eyesight test. After that, normal consultation. I half wished that I had something wrong with me. haha. Maybe I watched too many dramas already, being too dramatic. More likely hypochondriac and attention-seeking tendencies. While waiting I made new friends. Sort of. One of them is Farah's friend, going same school and course as me. I realise a lot of people were going to TP as well. haha. Collecting the results on Fri. Report done.

Ahak.

I don't ever want to be admin. Cos' I freaking hate to fill up forms. As evidenced when I got my...ENROLLMENT LETTER!!! Yay! Finally. Was about to contact TP in worry - "Where is my goddamned letter?!". haha. But the headache when you get the package and must fill in all the forms is almost not worth it. Almost. You still have to go to school right? Anyway, must go and get my picture taken, go for medical check-up, and go to bank for loan approval or something. Shit. Shite. Shate. Yeah, I hate this part. bleh. Was super happy when I checked the mailbox but now I'm super depressed. haha. Maybe I got psycho illness, exempted from poly. haha. Unlikely.

Still haven't got that damned enrollment package. Shit. Watching Joshikousei or High School Girls now. So addictive. It's a high school ecchi comedy. I know, I know. But still, it gets points for funniness and good storyline...

I do not like Hafiz in any way but a aquaintance! So STOP it!

A few things happened over the past few days. Nothing too earthshaking though. But I did sell my Vampire Knight uniform. Sold to Isarandel. She tried it on and it fit. So that was that. Had a nice chat though. Now I'm debating whether to buy the uniform now or next year. Somehow, I'm too excited to wait. sigh.

Now? ...or Later? Now? Later? argh. NowLaterNowLaterNowLater....... (*_*''')

Well, at least I've decided to take up the male uniform instead. Hmm. Night class. More sensual dark to it. rowrr.

I have done some research on the Net and they say that I-Models International (the one I went to) is not reputable. Hmm. This makes me think. I think I'd rather just cut my losses now. I'd rather regret not paying $380 and not get the model job offer (technically $280 now) than lose $280 and not get modelling jobs even after paying. Damn. Well, as Daphne said, take it as a lesson, and in my own words, albeit a $100 lesson hard learnt.

Possibly selling the Vampire Knight uniform on Sunday. Wish me luck.

SIgh. $100 wasted. Well...not yet. I still have to figure things out. Went to a modelling agency today. Actually was supposed to accompany only, but ended up joining myself. Shikin and Yao Jie always pang seh Daphne and me one. Thought they confirm wanted to join so we signed up first, paid deposit even. We at first declined, then I relented and so did Daphne. We all had went into the interview together. Saw a few people before us. So paiseh cos' I was wearing EGA, loli-ish style. Some people stared. Some asked if I was interested in cosplay. Which I am.

The full one-time fee was $380. Now still wondering whether I should have paid that $100. But I really am interested. Just not confident enough. A bit shy. But it is somewhat like a business risk. Daphne and me were discussing and worrying and addressing our doubts on our way home. But we have come up with something for the time being. Damn, I'm going to die worrying. I'm not going into all the full details of today. Too overwrought.

Hmm. Still thinking on whether I should just buy a new one. It would be tailored to fit with my measurements. However, it is more expensive. But it would fit. sigh. If I keep the one I have currently, I would still have to find the appropriate skirt. Damn. If I calculate the order of a new suit with shipping included it would be about the same price. However (again), I would have to sell my own one first. Which is kinda hard. And I still am undecided whether to choose a male or female Night uniform, if, and that is if, I can sell my one. Both are equally tempting. The Day one is quite plain, but still, the male versions are more expensive as they are 4-piece suits unlike the female 3-piece. Arrgh. Why am I doing this to myself anyway?

Got my Vampire Knight uniform! haha. Everything fits. Except that the skirt is too short. As least, for me. sigh. Damn short. Went searching for a alternative to the skirt. Exact box-pleats and pure white in colour. Exactly like a school skirt. But to no avail. haha. They had only knife pleats or the wrong colour. Well...

Met up with vince123123 for the uniform at Raffles Place. Then met up with Farah and Sya at Orchard to go to Far East. Went and looked around. Then we ate Burger King. After that, decided to go to Toa Payoh. Actually, it was more like I wanted to. Cos' I literally dragged them everywhere to look for the skirt. Poor things. haha. But we mostly joked and camwhored. Nothing so grand like movie-watching. But...she's going to be schooling here! Ahhhhh! Whoohoo!

Hey! I might be getting a Vampire Knight uniform soon. Tomorrow. haa. $80. But as cosplay costumes go, this ones a keeper. Unless I can't wear it. Well, I should be able to...But the skirt might be a tad short. Well, yahoo! On one thought, maybe I shouldn't jinx it...

Meeting Sya tomorrow. Wonder how it will go...

I'm obsessed. haha. Now I'm obsessed over GL. But...the things in GL are damn expensive. If I really want to buy them I will have to work more. But I don't plan on being a full-out GL anyway. Just interesting one-off pieces that I can use for everyday wear as well. Now I have my eye on a GL jumper ($50 before shipping) and a Momoko skirt ($44 before shipping). ahhh. damn. Oh, well. Tried to look for alternatives in This Fashion but none able to do justice. Anyway, This Fashion, the material is not so good. Hmm...

AHA! I bought the lucky bag...

Today went out to Far East with Shikin and her boyfriend, as well as Daphne. Shikin and her BF wore the neko and devil hoodies respectively. Met up together at Sembawang MRT station, then we set out. It was kind of awkward at first but we managed. When we reached Far East, we went around looking for the shop. We went around in circles before we found it. haha. The lucky bags were there. They were purple plastic bags with another wrapped package inside. However, I saw only punk lucky bags and when I asked about the lolita ones, the "jie jie" said to come back in an hour's time cos' they hadn't packed yet. So we went to eat at Burger King first. They all ate, but I ate only the Snickers bar I had brought from home. haha. After that, we went back to Haru. The lolita ones were there! I spied a few small bags containing miscellaneous items for $10. Those were the non-GL items she said. Then a lone EGA labelled bag caught my eye. "EGA, unisex, 'S/M'" Immediately, I bought it. At first I was debating whether to take lolita or EGA. Of course EGA won. Anyway, it was the only one. Go figure. Daphne bought this nice cameo lace ruff choker for $25. If I had more money to spend, I would have bought it. It was so EGA. ahhh! Shikin and Yao Jie only looked around.

Later, when I opened the bag I saw the exact EGA-style top that I had looked at in the store and said that it would be nice to have it. I had see the price that time. $75 bucks. I also got a pair of black and white striped socks, a Nightmare Before Christmas cardholder, a jewel sticker sheet and a GL lace hanky. Whoohoo. That made me think whether I should buy another one tomorrow. Lolita this time.

We looked at Athena, another GL shop in Far East. I liked a few stuff in there as well. Then we walked to Dhoby Ghaut. haha. Daphne and me tried to distance ourselves a few times, giving them the "private time" they needed. Saw a No Drugs dance competition on the way. Stayed to watch awhile. Went in to Sumairu at Dhoby Xchange. Another GL shop. But the clothes in there were way cool, especially the Vampire Knight cosplay costumes. ARrgh! We saw a bunch of cosplayers outside. They said they were there for a cosplay members buffet or the like. There was even a guy dressed in girl lolita clothing. lol. Shikin and Yao Jie tried on a few clothes, then we walked to Bugis where we looked at yet another lolita shop. This time specialising in punk lolita, at Bugis Village. Upon going back to Parco Bugis Junction, Shikin and Yao Jie were nowhere to be seen. Then, Daphne and me saw Yao Jie's head as he and Shikin walked away. We didn't know why they left. Then, we decided to just go home. We thought Shikin was upset with us and talked about the issue all the way home. I mean, you don't just walk away without a word.

Had a rousing fight with my brother. Yeah, I know I have some management issues. I was dealing with it. I think. Well, maybe my feelings of self-hate are manifested in my dealings with my brother. The teasing. The insults. Well, I say he can insult and tease me for all I care. He doesn't know how to take teasing man. And he takes it all out on me. It's not only me, man. My parents (esp. my mother) and my other sisters also tease him what. Ok, that sounds cruel right? But you can fight back what. Tease us back. Like, do you have to get so upset about it? I even let you beat me if you wanted, man. But I guess that takes the sting out of the feeling of punching the person. Whatever. Deal with it.

He said he wanted to run away from home. Well, didn't he think I hadn't wanted to do that before. I even packed my bags beforehand for goodness sake, waiting for the right moment to arrive. But I didn't. Anyway, now that I'm older and wiser (hey, I didn't say I was a genius...), I realise that if you run away the people who are going to most care about you are your parents. The ones who go sick with worry waiting for you to come back. I even told him that. But he wouldn't listen. I told him that if he wanted to run away, at least think of our parents before doing so. Shit, lah. How to be a man like this. Just scold us "Fuck!" or some other nonsense and get it over with. We can take it. Sheesh.

Aargh! The torture! I have newly discovered the vast and appealing world of online shopping. And it is absolutely torture...Only because I don't have PayPal so I can buy from overseas. Some of the items can't be found easily here and are cheaper. Argh!!! How I wish...

I'm starting to exhibit dangerous signs of detachment from my surroundings. I can't put my full focus on something without thinking about something else at the same time. I've bee wondering that I shouldn't take up something that has TOTAL concentration as a crucial element. I bet I'll crash if I drive (And that clearly says something...). Well, I guess maybe I have to learn not to mind-wander. sigh.

I have decided not to buy the fukubukuro since I'm not totally into the Gothic Lolita scene. As I said, EGA, Victorian, vintage, are more my style. Anyway, for that amount I can get what I like and know I'm going to get. Rather than blind-guessing. Decided on this cute military-flap-button-style pants and a silk (...I think) Victorian inspired blouse. Totally cool. Luckily This Fashion has 20%. Already this costs more than $40. After discount. I'm planning to look at Toa Payoh first to see if there are cheaper alternatives for the look I'm wanting. Damn,this would be so easier if I could just sew. Hot damn.

Hha. Tired. Bone-tired? Heart-tired? Brain-tired? Hmm. Lemme think about it... I think other people have better meaning in their life than me. Me? I'm just wandering aimlessly through life. Even today's outing didn't "lift" me much. I met Farah st Sembawang MRT station, proceeded onto Yishun. As usual, Shar was late. Saw a few ex-AI students along the way. hah. Everything reminded us of AI today. We went to Toa Payoh. First order of the journey...Eat! I ate Tori Karaage Don and Farah ate Gyo Don. haha. We had a crazy time pronouncing the Japanese names until the lady at the counter couldn't help but laugh. Eat. Joke. Laugh like siao. Shar couldn't keep up with our jokes...We laughed even more. HA! (I still don't remember why we laughed...*_*)

A lot of great bargains...But out of my price range or budget. That didn't stop Farah, and sometimes, Shar. I think Shar didn't buy so much cos' she only had like $20. If not...

After that we wandered off to Suntec. At first, Shar thought there was IKEA sale there. IKEA? haha. Nevermind, we just wandered along the shops, mostly boring, shop a little. Surprisingly, for the any times I have said shop, none of them included me. We went Carrefour, buy batteries and Farah's brother's car. Nothing much to say. Met a loony on the way. A student loony. Now, that seems familiar. I know, me! Then, we camwhored at the Fountain of Wealth. sigh. After that, we were so tired, we went straight home.

Farah followed me to Sembawang and to the police post to accompany me drop off a lost and found IC of this old guy that me and my mother found before we went to Sheng Shiong this morning. hah. What a mouthful. No hunky policeman. sigh again. Well, after this I have nothing to say. Muna, out.

I'm thinking of buying the $50 lucky bags or fukubukuro that Haru is selling. It's like a lucky grab bag of items. Could be unsellable items or promo/excess stock. They say the things inside are worth more than $50. Anyway, I was thinking that I could sell the items if I didn't like them. Hmm. sigh. I don't know. But they are selling GL and punk items. I prefer EGA. I'm the "no-frills please" type. ahhhhhh.

Got my posting results already. haha. Going to be in the "lame" school. Temasek me, Temasek you-u-u-u-u-u!!! Well, my mother is still "subtly coercing me to reconsider" going to SP instead. I mean, really, if I was really, really, destined to be in SP, somehow I would have gotten it (even though it was my 2d choice...). Well, heard another piece of disturbing news, the biomed cert is useless unless I pursue it into a university degree. And a lot of my friends are either going into SP or a JC. sigh. I guess nobody is going into TP. Arrgh...I'm confused.

I hate the new Blogger template! Arrgh! I even got Eugene to help me cos' all the blogskins I put are "flawed"...So says the Blogger. In the end I did a little tweaking and fiddling and got this...

The haunting melody is repeating in my head. As it is now on the blog. haha. But still, now I now how to play the tune on the piano as well as "Right Here Waiting" and "Moon River"...

Now I am obsessed with EGA ( also known as Elegant Gothic Arstocrat). Sort of like Gothic Lolita, but better. In my opinion. Some how I like the aristocratic "feel". Vests. Coats. Gorgeous dresses. So my style as someone would say. I want to sew my own clothes. But...me and sewing do not have an affinity. Anyways, I wanna learn and then I can sew my own vests and shirts. Cool.

Note to self: Reserve The Prince Kidnaps A Bride by Christina Dodd, Fairest by Gail Carson Levine...

Finished watching Seducing Mr. Perfect! I got the warm fuzzies just watching it. Nice story and plot, but it was a bit unfinished. Some things were not explained in detail and the the ending was funny, but incomplete as well. Oh well, I might as well just wait until I can script my own then.

Yesterday, we crashed at Shar's house to help her dye her hair. Well...Actually, it was Farah who helped dye her hair. I just watched. haha. I did bring my own box of hair dye, which Farah helped me put on. It was like a dye party. Farahin came along too. But my hair dye didn't do much for me. The previous result was better. At least, you could tell I had dyed my hair a somewhat brownish tint. The current result just darkened my hair. Now it looks black. Unless I put it under light, creating a slightly (emphasis slightly...) purplish tint. sigh. Oh well, hail to the jet black!!! Now I think Shar's mum thinks I was bathing in her toilet cos' I kept using the water and coming out like I had taken a bath...oops...