I really blew my top yesterday. I think it was the accumulation of pent up anger and frustration from puasa. Cos' during puasa, I can't be angry and all. So I thought, okay, nevermind, I will sabar and be patient. Tahan. Not angry. All is well. Even though sometimes I was hopping mad, I still managed to calm down. And then yesterday, because of my irritating stupid brother, I totally lost it. Totally. I was practically hyperventilating. Screaming in your mind isn't a good idea. It sucks.

My brother thinks that just because I don't beat him back, I am going to docilely take it. He beats me if he's angry with me. What the bloody fuggin 'ell. Never helps out. Takes for granted that I will always follow my mother and carry the groceries. And I make the damned effort to insist on taking the most of the heavy stuff from my mother. What did you do? He's so lucky I got over my short-tempered streak. Last time, I would have been screaming bloody murder and throwing chairs around. Really. No kidding. I have then changed cos' I knew that wasn't a really good trait to have. When I was angry, I used to show it. Now, I've learned to manage it.

Ask for God's help. Syaitan shouldn't have a hold on me.