Saturday, September 08, 2007 / 11:29 PM
Went to collect my long cardigan today. Wasn't really what I expected though. The pockets were too high, the material was thin. And it was damn small. Luckily, I could just, and I mean snugly, wear it. I was almost afraid I would have to sell it off. Anyways went round the LIME flea market. There were a lot of good stuff too including the retro chic top that I had seen on the spree! $15. Less by about $1 actually, but I didn't really wanna spend so much on a top Given also that I was quite disappointed with my cardigan ( I was heartbroken and devastated *assumes dramtic pose* ), I decided to forgo it. But I bought a satin-kinda top which looked nice for $8. And some charms for $0.50 -$1.00 each. That was all. Some of the really nice stuff were affordable but out of my budget to bust on a single item, though I found many bargains that tempted me to no end. However, I decided once and for all that I should not spend my money like it sprouted from trees.
I also realised that I was, am, a loser. I don't like going anywhere alone. I almost desperately wanted someone to accompany me. Anyone. I kept giving hints to my sisters, so desperate was I. hahaha. I don't like being thrust into crowds. Feeling like I didn't belong and that everyone was staring at me for some reason or another. Well, that sounds too much like conceit or , madness even!, for me. It's true. I hate social scenes, a crowd of people, going into town. Especially going into town. Cos' everyone's hip and trendy and beautiful. And I'm not. I'm the gawky, awkward person who looks like she's out of place...And I'm pouring my so-called troubles so I can mope and feel self-pity for myself. Someone should smack me and ask me to get a grip. It's not the end of the world. You know, to tell you the truth, I half-expect someone to say that I'm beautiful in my own way. Then, my ego would get a huge boost and my head would swell. hahaha. It's true. I'm vulnerable here, pouring out my true thoughts and feelings, DAMN it all!
(note: My mother just walked by and peered at the screen in the middle of it...and I started getting upset because of it. haha. Stupid, insecure me. I just know my mother is going to make fun of it. Of me. Or make some stupid comment. Like she always does. I still remember what she said ages ago. I HATE this!)
Okay, stop pouring out my insecurities like a babbling idiot. I know I'm a hypocritical freak.
I also realised that I was, am, a loser. I don't like going anywhere alone. I almost desperately wanted someone to accompany me. Anyone. I kept giving hints to my sisters, so desperate was I. hahaha. I don't like being thrust into crowds. Feeling like I didn't belong and that everyone was staring at me for some reason or another. Well, that sounds too much like conceit or , madness even!, for me. It's true. I hate social scenes, a crowd of people, going into town. Especially going into town. Cos' everyone's hip and trendy and beautiful. And I'm not. I'm the gawky, awkward person who looks like she's out of place...And I'm pouring my so-called troubles so I can mope and feel self-pity for myself. Someone should smack me and ask me to get a grip. It's not the end of the world. You know, to tell you the truth, I half-expect someone to say that I'm beautiful in my own way. Then, my ego would get a huge boost and my head would swell. hahaha. It's true. I'm vulnerable here, pouring out my true thoughts and feelings, DAMN it all!
(note: My mother just walked by and peered at the screen in the middle of it...and I started getting upset because of it. haha. Stupid, insecure me. I just know my mother is going to make fun of it. Of me. Or make some stupid comment. Like she always does. I still remember what she said ages ago. I HATE this!)
Okay, stop pouring out my insecurities like a babbling idiot. I know I'm a hypocritical freak.
