I am sorely disappointed with myself. This life is killing me. Well, not killing. I stiil have it better than others. It's just that I expected myself to behave more better than what I am now. This whole poly thing is making me doubt myself. I have "people-envy". The masses at TP don't exactly boost a person's confidence. Everybody wants to be so different that that they all actually look the same. I mean, they try to be different...but in that difference they are all actually the same. Unless you are so radical that you shock everyone's socks off...Don't ask me what my logic is...If Joann can think that she's fat, I'mma freaking cow. If you disagree, I say you're wrong cos' seriously, she's thin and she doesn't even know it. Well, my mindset is warped. I need a mind-fixer.

And I keep obsessing more and more about "stuff". Daymn. The more I try not to, the more it invariably pops up. But I can usually beat it. I need to keep my hormones in check cos' I almost lost my composure and distance. Without thinking, I'll just do it. I need a leash. rowff. I also need to socialise with my class more. especially the girls. Cos frankly, I feel awkward with some of them. Like a loner. Or antisocial. Or something. The guys are okay. No need to worry so much cos' they don't care anyways. Well...I think I'm better at making people laugh. And I like it. I prefer people to laugh when they're with me. I don't care if I'm lame. (Glad I know that... :p). Cos' other than making people laugh, I'm at a loss.