I feel dumb again. I feel naive and jaded at the same time. I don't even know how you can feel such polar opposites together. But I do. haha. I am a mix of emotions and feelings and thoughts. And now I place too much importance on what people think. I should be thinking like "What the heck.". But I don't. I keep harping on about stuff, like now. Ain't that a surprise. Sometimes I feel like I want to be myself. Totally like myself. No restrictions. No expectations. Sometimes the only way I could feel that is to be alone, completely alone. I would stare off and think. Searching for that elusive something to make me whole.

I keep feeling like this world isn't real. I keep waiting for reality to show up. But the fact is, this is reality. I can't seem o face that fact. haha. I might be laughing, but I don't know for how long. I keep saying that I don't know this and I don't know that. Well, I don't. Pretending sucks. This is why I like to be alone most times. I don't like crowds. Cos' then I'm confused. I've thought of myself as a chameleon quite a number of times now. I'm like blending in to the crowd. A faceless entity. I adopt other people's mannerisms or stuff like that. I can't explain it, but invariably I find myself doing something that wasn't me, but a copy of someone else I knew. I know what you're probably thinking. Somebody call the freak squad!, right? Yeah, I feel it too. I feel like shedding this outer skin of mine to reveal myself. Poetic isn't it. I wonder if even this is just a pretense. Maybe I'm craving for attention. Maybe I'm psychotic. Maybe I'm just a lost soul in a world full of people.

I've also realised that everytime, it is someone that lays a head on my shoulder. Not the other way round. I wonder if my shoulder is that comfortable. Or is it just that I'm a support figure. Nah. Maybe they're just that sleepy.

Now do you think I'm crazy?