Green. I am positively green with envy. Yes, the evil monster of unreasonable hate. haha. Reminds me of the Hulk. (Fuck, my father read this first part. Fuck it. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. I am too embarrassed and angry for other words to express this. so i say...fuck.) Well, that over with, let's continue shall we?

Envy. Yes. I have the case of the envies. Neon green at that. Why? Trivial and material matter anyway. Well, to say the least, everywhere I see couple together. Makes me jealous. Not that I want to be in one. Just like my previous post, it's something I don't have and have never experienced before. But judging by my friends' relationships, I don't know whether I really want to have one anytime soon. Maybe I'm just too cynical (yeah, right...). A cynical romantic. A paradox or oxymoron if I ever heard one. Another thing, beauty. Well, to say the least, attractiveness. I only have craziness and psycho to back me up. haha. Got whole graveyards of insecurities in my closet.

I know this behaviour is degrading and may likely cause me to have an inferior complex or some other psycho problem, but yeah, I have it. sigh. Can't a girl feel normal anymore? Dang. I know my friends will say that I look "pretty", I know that it's not true so don't console me. I think I'll stick to matchmaking. Other people. haha. Less emotional attachments, twice the mischievous fun. Think of all the romantic scenarios I could orchestrate. bwahaha. Single people beware!