Monday, November 13, 2006 / 12:31 AM
Maybe I'm just dramatising. Maybe I'm just complaining. Maybe I just want to let my feelings be expressed. But whatever it is, I just want to get it out of my system. Been having bouts of emotional distress (crying, anger, etc...). All mostly triggered by members of my family. Hah.
It seems that everytime I have been "delegated" to kitchen duty. Not by choice or direction. But the pressure of being the eldest daughter and possibly the mantle of responsibility. I DETEST this. For one thing, the person who spends her time on the computer 20 hours a day, Munirah, does not help around the house unless otherwise told. So goes Ahmad. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing (pre-menstrual syndrome) but I'm damn FED UP!!! I just feel like- I don't know. Bust up. Everytime I look at things in the house, I see things that need to be cleaned. Arranged. Done. All they see is something that somebody would pick up sooner or later, if they ignore it long enough. DAMN YOU! They go blithely about their lives while I sit here and worry. Worry. Worry. Worry. They think I don't have to study, do they? What, my "O"s aren't important? Just because I don't look like I'm doing anything, doesn't mean I'm not worried or revising.
My mother takes me for granted sometimes. Just because I stick to her because I have nothing else to do and noone to be with, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be an ever dutiful daughter while the others just sit and enjoy life on a platter. I don't mean I'm not like that sometimes, but do I have to take the blame for what they are supposed to be doing also? I don't understand people. I don't do anything right. I can't please anybody. I'm too fat for thin society. Too thin for fat society. Not average either. Not ugly. Not pretty. Not even gosh darned cute. I don't know where I am, honestly. Really, isn't that an original topic that just hasn't been discussed by any and every teenager? Wow. I'm so impressed with myself. Brava. Now I'll tell myself to shut up and move on.
It seems that everytime I have been "delegated" to kitchen duty. Not by choice or direction. But the pressure of being the eldest daughter and possibly the mantle of responsibility. I DETEST this. For one thing, the person who spends her time on the computer 20 hours a day, Munirah, does not help around the house unless otherwise told. So goes Ahmad. Maybe I'm just PMS-ing (pre-menstrual syndrome) but I'm damn FED UP!!! I just feel like- I don't know. Bust up. Everytime I look at things in the house, I see things that need to be cleaned. Arranged. Done. All they see is something that somebody would pick up sooner or later, if they ignore it long enough. DAMN YOU! They go blithely about their lives while I sit here and worry. Worry. Worry. Worry. They think I don't have to study, do they? What, my "O"s aren't important? Just because I don't look like I'm doing anything, doesn't mean I'm not worried or revising.
My mother takes me for granted sometimes. Just because I stick to her because I have nothing else to do and noone to be with, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be an ever dutiful daughter while the others just sit and enjoy life on a platter. I don't mean I'm not like that sometimes, but do I have to take the blame for what they are supposed to be doing also? I don't understand people. I don't do anything right. I can't please anybody. I'm too fat for thin society. Too thin for fat society. Not average either. Not ugly. Not pretty. Not even gosh darned cute. I don't know where I am, honestly. Really, isn't that an original topic that just hasn't been discussed by any and every teenager? Wow. I'm so impressed with myself. Brava. Now I'll tell myself to shut up and move on.
