Im sorry if this post is a bit brief. The bloody fikkin' computer deleted my unsaved post as I was typing it, the heartless bastard.

My eyes are puffy now. Like a big fat goldfish. And this is all I get for crying my heat out. My mother doen't even care that I cried. I wanted to apologise to her for getting angry and snarky earlier. I screamed sarcastically that yeah, I know I'm an irresponsible, lazy, idiot among other things. You never say it, but it is implied in your voice. This was before I cried, locked up in my room in self-imprisonment. Talking to myself. About my sins and what I had done wrong in my life. About repenting. Asking for forgiveness from God. Ultimately, I knew what the reality was. I still cried anyways. I wanted to say sorry and this even, I thought about. I debated whether to say it. Then I plucked the courage to say it. I hugged her and said it. But all she said was, "What's wrong with you?! You know, sometimes you-" I didn't stay to hear anymore. My heart was already cracking under the strain. I ran to my room and locked it. My face distorted and blurred as my heart grabbed the facts and finally broke into a million pieces. I stuffed my face into a blanket and cried. Because I didn't want to let anyone know how deep that cut me.

I tried. I really tried. And all you said was that. I never said this before. It took me some pride and courage and this is what I get. I will never beg for forgiveness again. As long as this things can happen, I won't. I can't stand another rejection again. I bared my heart and you broke it. This is why I hate you. Why I am afraid. Beause I know I will be rejected. I still remember that you used to say that it was lucky that my face was ugly an that I was fat. So that I won't be plagued with guys. Won't have a boyfriend. Guess what? You're right. I'm boyfiendless. It doesn't mean that I want one. Just that you hurt me. I know that this is your way. But it doen't give you the right to treat me this way. You bring us down and this is why.