I feel so out of balance with the world. So confused about my life. Currently, I am adrift in the sea of life and I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. To cut it short. I am lost.

I don't feel like studying. I just don't have the drive to do so. My mother's comment hit me like a stone. She asked whether I was studying and I said yes. Because I really did try. Then, she just said "If you know, then good. You're the one who's taking the exam. Just so you know.". Or somewhat like that. It cut me deep because I knew deep in my heart I was lying to myself. Just making excuses for myself. But I really could not put my heart and soul into the act of studying. I just couldn't. I tried to think of kids who were less fortunate than me, and those who pick themselves up and struggle to do their best. I even tried to think about my parents, who toil endlessly to make my future better and put their faith in me. The tears fall, but to no avail. I still couln't bring myself to do it. Some people might think me ungrateful, but that is how I really feel.

I try to be strong. But I can't. There's something in me, in my heart that prevents me. I am just pathetic. Writing all these things when I should be working harder. I can't save myself so how am I going to face the world when I can't even face myself anymore without a piece of my heart breaking inside everytime I fail to try. This post has been my most truest post ever. Because I am at the end of my rope and I don't know where else to hold on to.